Tears for Fears vs. The Rolling Stones

"Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears for Fears, from The Seeds of Love (1989)
Rich orchestration and synth delight from this oft-underrated duo. Anyone who thinks of Tears for Fears as a one-hit novelty is sorrily mistaken. The title track to their follow-up to the wildly succesful Songs from the Big Chair weaves a sonic tapestry of trumpets, keys and those familar vocals from Manchester's synth-pop masters. Seeds drew some lofty comparisons upon its release, most notably to The Beatles (think 'Penny Lane'). Of course, what post-60s Britpop artists haven't, at one time, been compared to the Beatles? Nevertheless, this track is a joy to listen to even if it does reach a bit over the top.

"Salt of the Earth" by The Rolling Stones, from the Concert for New York City (2001)
This is the Rolling Stones contribution to the post-9/11 concert put on at Madison Square Garden. I can't help but remember how uninspired I was when I watched that concert, still cowering in my Brooklyn apartment, my view altered forever. This is an emotional outpouring, a toast to the common man. I think there were firemen on stage. I don't really remember.

WINNER: Can't seem to shake the brits from my jukebox. In this battle, I just have to go with Tears for Fears. The band, not the actual tears and fears that come along with the other track.

Audio Bullys vs. Radiohead

"100 Million" by Audio Bullys, from Ego War (2003)
UK hip-hop is a funny thing. It's difficult for me to take seriously. I don't know why, it's probably not fair, but it just seems like something they're still kind of pretending at. Or maybe it's just different. UK hip hop is actually more reminiscent of the hip hop I actually like, stuff from the 90s, from before the word 'bling' was invented, back when hip hop artists still had fun. That's what this track, from the Audio Bullys debut album, gives you. Opening with a puff from a joint and driving through three-and-half minutes of rapidfire wit and rhymes, this cut makes you want to dance, not stomp on someone's head. The difference between US and UK hip hop? If you ran into these guys in a dark alley you'd probably be challenged to a dance-off or something. At worst. If you bump into DMX his pit bulls just may eat your face off.

"Permanent Daylight" by Radiohead, from the My Iron Lung EP (1994)
This is what the UK does best. Love Radiohead, gotta state the bias right up front. This is two-and-a-half-minutes of pure screeching, pounding, fuzztastic guitarwork from O'Brien and the Greenwoods, backed by Yorke's subtle, muted, beautiful nonsense. This track comes from the 8-track Iron Lung EP released around the time of The Bends, almost as an outtakes album. This cut isn't even near to the strongest on the record (Lewis anyone?), but it still fills me with the anticipated pleasure of another Radiohead musical mindfuck. The Kingdom approves.

WINNER: A couple of wannabe Eminem brats from South London don't have a chance against Yorke and the boys. Thanks for the insanity Radiohead.

Taj Mahal vs. Harry Nilsson

"Think" by Taj Mahal, from Senor Blues (1997)
Blues master gets his funk on in the sun through much of the Senor Blues album, this track being no different. A classic soul blues bounce with squealing horns, an Aretha-inspired hook and lyrical pleas and protestations of devotion from the Taj himself. This is one you can skip too and still feel ok about it.

"Coconut" by Harry Nilsson, from Nilsson Schmilsson (1971)
Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both together. Can you really argue with the advice given in this song? Even if it makes no sense, it sure sounds tasty. This track guarantees a laugh, and Nilsson, a seriously overlooked artist, yelps and crows along with the cowbells and snare hits in a hilarious crescendo before the fade out. Now don't you feel better?

THE WINNER: Call the doctor. Wake him up. It's Nilsson.